Teaching Consent from the Ground Up
As parents and caregivers, one of the most powerful things we can do is teach our children about consent, not just in the context of relationships when they’re older, but right now, in everyday life. One simple but powerful phrase to start with is “If you don’t accept my no, you’ll never get a yes.” This message helps children understand that respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. When we begin using this concept consistently, whether they’re asking for a toy, pushing back at dinnertime or trying to negotiate for extra screen time, we’re setting a strong foundation for how they’ll view and practice consent in all areas of life.
Everyday Opportunities to Teach Consent
You might be wondering how to weave this into daily life. Here are a few examples:
Toys & Play: If your child keeps pestering a sibling who’s said “no” to sharing a toy, remind them: “Remember, if you don’t respect their no, they won’t trust your yes.”
Food Choices: If your child says “no” to eating a certain food, try not to guilt them into it. Respecting bodily autonomy starts with the small stuff.
Affection: Let your child choose whether to give hugs or kisses. If they say no, validate it: “That’s okay, you get to choose how you show affection.”
The goal is to model respect for boundaries, not just expect it from them.
Why “No” Builds Trust
When children know their “no” is respected, they’re more likely to say “yes” with confidence, because they trust that their boundaries matter. This builds emotional safety, self-esteem, and communication skills.
It also teaches them that consent is ongoing and mutual, not a one-time checkbox. It’s about paying attention, listening, and honouring each other’s feelings.
What Consent Really Means
To help children (and even ourselves) better understand consent, here’s a simple framework we use at At The Ark:
CONSENT IS POWERFUL:
Pressure-Free: A choice made without pressure, guilt, or persuasion
Optimistic: It should feel good, something both people look forward to
Withdraw: Consent can be changed or withdrawn at any time, for any reason
Endless: It must be given before, during and again next time, every time
Reciprocal: Everyone involved must be on the same page
Foolproof: Everyone must fully understand what’s happening
Undoubtedly: There should be no confusion or hesitation
Literal: Saying “yes” to one thing doesn’t mean “yes” to everything
Let’s Raise a Generation That Knows Boundaries Are Powerful
Teaching consent isn’t about having one big conversation, it’s about the daily practice of respecting others and being respected in return. By using phrases like “If you don’t accept my no, you’ll never get a yes,” we normalise saying no, hearing no and still maintaining connection and kindness.
